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There are many reasons that cause love between a husband and wife to become temporary rather than lasting. One of the worst and most detrimental is the attitude of external control. People who are bound by notions of external control believe that what happens is always caused by someone or something outside themselves. They think that their unhappiness is a result of events or actions beyond their control. Thinking themselves innocent, they simply react to what is done to them.
When this belief is brought into marriage, the other spouse is assigned responsibility for happiness. Such people conclude that, if they are unhappy, their partners must be failing in some respect. Even if the unhappiness stems from some situation outside marriage, they feel someone in the marriage will usually be partly to blame. This is also true for people who believe that their partners’ first responsibility is to please them. When they become dissatisfied with their marriages, they decide that their partners are responsible for their dissatisfaction.
The belief in external control unleashes a set of strategies instigated by one partner to make the other do what is desired, which is followed by counter-strategies to resist the loss of freedom. Marriages can become filled with strategies and resistance, counter-strategies and counter-resistance. Many couples’ marriages are based totally on such interaction, but significant instability is the result. As long as this pattern continues, the couple’s love will be temporary.
WHAT CAUSES PEOPLE TO LOSE FEELINGS OF LOVE
WHAT YOU CAN DO TO MAKE LOVE LAST
TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF
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