Men and women simply have different needs. That is a fact true and simple. The problem lies when a husband tries to make his wife happy by doing things he would appreciate, but when she barely acknowledges it he gets upset. The husband doesn't realize that his wife's needs and desires are much different from his own. Just as you wouldn't give a six-year-old child a new computer for Christmas because you have been wanting one, husbands need to give their wives gifts women would appreciate.

While all needs can't be put into a cookie-cutter format of "this need is always a man's need and that need is always a female's," there are certain needs that have proved universally masculine or feminine.

Affection
Affection is a major need in the life of a woman and should constantly be met by a caring husband. To help a man understand how strong her need for affection is, a husband should look at his own strong need for sexual fulfillment and compare its intensity to his wife's need for affection. Affection symbolizes many things to a woman. To her it symbolizes protection, security, approval, and love. Ways to show affection are many and the following ideas are some of the best ways for a husband to show his wife affection.

Hugs
Women love to hug. They hug virtually everything--animals, children, other women, stuffed animals, and the men they love. At the bare minimum, give your wife a hug in the morning when you wake up, before you leave for work, and when you get home. To a woman a simple hug means so much. By hugging her you are telling her you support her, will be there for her, that she is doing a good job, and that you will protect her.

• Hold your wife's hand at every opportunity.
• Hold it when you are walking in the store, talking, or in church.
• Leave little notes for her.

Notes
A man will probably never understand how much simple notes and cards mean to a woman. If a man gets a note of endearment, he may just look at it and say, "Oh, this is nice." If a woman receives a similar note, she will most likely read it many times over and probably save it for years. A note from her husband tells a wife that he loves her, wants her to have a good day, and is thinking about her always.

• Tell her you love her often.
• Call her during the day to tell her you love her and ask her how her day is going.
• Kiss her many times a day .
• Kiss her when you wake up, before you leave for work, after work--basically any time you want.
• Give her small gifts or tokens of your love.

The old adage, "It's the thought that counts," really is true with most women. Important dates such as birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Valentine's Day, should be sentimental rather than practical.

Bring her flowers.
Surprise her once and a while with a nice flower. It doesn't have to be expensive, remember it's the thought that counts. Women love wild flowers as much as roses.

A man who doesn't give his wife enough affection more than likely feels like his sexual needs are not being met. Affection makes a woman feel loved, and connected to her husband. If her husband initiates sex without showing her affection first, she feels used. Basically a woman needs affection prior to sex to feel close to her husband while a man usually feels like giving affection only after sex. This is a problem in many marriages, but a very curable one.

Conversation
It isn't a secret that women love to talk just for the pure pleasure they derive from it. Women love to call each other on the phone and talk for hours. Men on the other hand rarely call each other just to catch up on news and talk, and when they do talk it is never about their feelings but about more practical matters such as how to fix the computer. Rarely do you hear a man complain, "My wife won't talk with me," but often the complaint is heard by women, "My husband doesn't talk to me!" Click here to learn more about how to communicate in marriage.

Understand that to feel united with her husband, a woman needs him to talk to her.
A man who only talks in order to relay information (not just for pure pleasure of conversation) is like a woman who only has sex with her husband when she wants to get pregnant.

Take time to become a good communicator.
Good communication takes time. Leading marriage counselors recommend a minimum of 15 hours a week of undivided attention with your spouse. Don't watch television while talking to your spouse, it doesn't count as undivided attention.

Continue courting each other.
While you were courting you definitely spent 15 hours a week together giving undivided attention. This is how you fell in love, why not continue in order to keep it that way.

Become interested in each other's favorite topics.
Many silent spouses can open up when they talk about what they love to discuss.

Make time to be together.
Plan many activities to enjoy together. If you feel you do not have enough time to be together then your priorities are not in the right place.

Don't let one spouse dominate the conversation, and resist the urge to interrupt.
If you want your spouse to listen to you, then listen to her and try to understand her perspective.

Reference

Many ideas for this article were adapted from "His Needs Her Needs: Building an Affair-proof Marriage," by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

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